It was to be the party of the century -- half a million UFO Fans were expected to whoop it up in celebration of the alleged alien saucer crash in the New Mexico desert, near Roswell 50 years ago. On behalf of Fortean Times, Rebecca Keith braved the scorching heat to bring us a depressing spectacle of commercialism and credulity.

This is a story that really could and should be told in pictures. After my summer vacation to Roswell's 50th anniversary party, I doubt that I will ever be the same again. Maybe it was the heat - or the stagnant water that soaked the carpet in our un-air-conditioned motel room - but more than likely it was the realisation that there are just a lot of wacky people in the world. Most of them happened to be in Roswell during the first week of July.

We arrived on Monday 30 June, at a time when there were probably more journalists than tourists in Roswell. The tourists didn't show up until about 3 July, with the biggest crowds arriving on the Fourth. The New Mexico Tourism Board estimate that about 48,000 people came to Roswell during the week-long celebration. More than 300 media agencies from 16 countries requested and received the official Roswell Encounter '97 press pass. This much coveted badge gave its wearer access to all the events, free, and an open bar every evening.

That bribery notwithstanding, I can say that I won't be back in Roswell anytime soon. It wasn't that folks weren't nice, it's just that a week- long UFO circus just about did me in. From a green donkey (complete with antenna) to a memorial service for dead aliens at one of the crash sites, the UFO theme was everywhere. The New Mexico Lottery Commission even designed a special $1 scratch-off lottery ticket dubbed 'UFO Dough' with a top prize of $2,500. No luck there, I lost four bucks.

Thirsty? The 'Alien Agua' going for $1.50 was plain old water from the crash-site ranch run by Hub Corn. The 'UFO H20' was $2.50. Given that the temperature average in Roswell for the first week of July was about 103-F (39'C), these entrepreneurs must have made a fortune.

But the Roswell Anniversary wasn't just a commercial opportunity for the town of Roswell. A lot of the speakers, media and vendors from out of state were there for the same thing... M-0-N-E-Y! I went for the circus, but what I got was a wake-up call.

This enlightening experience came at the very commercial crash site run by Hub Corn ($15 secures entry), about 19 miles (30km) north of Roswell. Frank Kaufman (teller of many tales) claimed that a saucer, complete with bodies on the ground, was recovered near a large rocky cliff. Hub Corn's wife led the tour and pointed out several spots on the side of the cliff, where the aliens had met their deaths. They were marked by small American flags near which freshly cut flowers had been placed, Mrs. Corn said by people who wanted to show respect.

How, I wondered, had I wound up in the middle of a hot, rocky, dusty ranch with a bunch of people who took this Roswell business that seriously? Don't get me wrong, I do take ufology seriously, it's just that I hadn't realised to what extent it had become like a religion for some. Suddenly, the circus didn't seem so much fun.

And this was just the beginning; the main event followed with the speakers. Everyone was excited by an announcement from Paul Davids (who produced Showtime's Roswell) that he would, once and for all, prove that an extraterrestrial craft had crashed here 50 years ago. A very official-looking press release said that Davids would present his incontrovertible evidence, accompanied by some of the scientists who had studied some of the material.

At the appointed hour -- 9am, 4 July -- the gathering of press and others were told that they would first have to hear a lecture from Davids. I wasn't the only one who was livid, to put it mildly The expression 'bait and switch' came to mind. Sceptical eyebrows were rising all around.

The 'evidence'. as Davids actually admitted during the hastily convened press conference afterwards, was connected to Roswell only through the words of Derrel Sims [for more on Sims see FT99:431. Bad pennies always seem to turn up, so it was no surprise to me that the carpenter-turned- health professional and his erstwhile foot-doctor sidekick would find a way to slither into the Roswell scene. After all, there was media attention and money to be had!

In Sims' latest yarn, he claims that, more than two years ago, he was given material from the crashed UFO by someone at a West Coast UFO kookfest. No, Sims can't tell us -- or his potential benefactor (Paul Davids), it seems -- the man's name because he (Sims) gave his word that he would protect the man at all costs. The material, according to environmental health and safety expert Russell VernonClark, is quite remarkably anomalous. It is said to contain more than 99 percent pure silicon with traces of germanium, zinc, silver, and nickel. All of these elements are said to have isotopic anomalies which indicate the material is from "off world". As usual for Sims-Leir claims, the few tests performed on the material were not peer-reviewed.

VernonClark claims he will get to that process eventually, but Sims controls the sample. I'm sceptical as Sims has never finished final testing of any material in his possession.

That much-ballyhooed press conference consisted of a sweating Davids surrounded by reporters in a stairwell at about 11 am. Davids took only a few questions because he said that the press were "hostile".

VernonClark, the sole scientist, was not available for questions as he was spirited out the back door of the auditorium into a waiting automobile whose doors were open and engine was running. Reportedly, he was back home in San Diego just hours later. So much for the great announcement.

Otherwise, the Roswell Encounter turned out to be The Same Old Researchers saying the Same Old Thing. Amazingly, Linda Moulton Howe showed the bogus alien body photos that appeared in the Ming Pao News more than two years ago (and subsequently in Penthouse) and proclaimed them authentic. She said that they had nothing to do with the dummy in the Roswell Inter- national Museum. Howe, obviously, does not read Fortean Times or she would have known that this story was put to bed a long time ago by our own Bob Rickard - see FT93:18.

The lectures were well attended but not sold out, except in one or two instances. The promised rock concert never took place. The promoter could not garner the necessary permits, and only one camper paid the $90 a night to camp out at the Hub Corn crash site. The Roswell Police Department reported only "a couple of fender benders" and only one minor injury. A few bad cheques were passed, however, totalling about $92,000. The FBI made their presence known -- although not quite in the way the conspiracists would have guessed -- when they shut down a convention centre vendor who was selling pirated Nike merchandise.

Despite the fact that I came away feeling empty -- and not just in the wallet -- I think that most people had a good time. If there was ever a chance for ufology to present its best face, this was it. Instead, we got green donkeys, people roaming about in Star Trek costumes and no new information. At first I thought the major American UFO organisations, like MUFON and CUFOS, had made a mistake by not having a presence but, on reflection, I'm glad they didn't sully themselves with the silly nonsense that went on.

"All is not Roswell," says cyber-philosopher Pat Parrinello, and he's right - it's time to put Roswell behind us and move on to the important stuff.